August 03, 2016

Squall of 1976

2016 (c)

Watching you perform I was always alone—

an anorexic mannequin, featureless

except for a fixed stage-right stare.

 

That winter squall—

snow hid everything,

potholes, downed power lines, the road.

 

Your cousin Tito and I

sat two feet apart

at a folding table

in the Filipino community center.

 

We both loved you.

 

Tito smoked his last Camel

while you mimicked Tony Orlando.

 

He pulled on the cashmere overcoat

picked up in San Diego

where he’d never need it.

That peacock gesture was for you.

 

I fished keys from your coat—

Tito and I tried to find

a smoke shop in a new town.

 

I thought it was nothing.

 

After the show—

your razor-edged silence.

 

We loaded the guitars, amps, speakers

as the engine idled.

 

We got in.

You backed up—

then rammed the brick wall.

 

Tito and I both turned

at the same time

to look at you

 

as though we were one

Whore.  Fucking puta!

 

What I felt was ice breaking—

an iceberg calving fr

the first visible split.